So I have been out of town for a couple of weeks and got back and settled back into my life. I went to Texas, where I grew up, for my brother’s wedding which was spectacular. I had a memorable visit, but what struck me most was how much California really feels like home to me now. I missed everything here and was so ready to come back. When I got off the plane, I felt like I could exhale and then yesterday we had brunch with our friends and I was like “Yes! I am home!”. It is a great feeling.
Something interesting happened the day of my brother’s wedding. He got married on a sail boat on a lake and the day of the wedding, they got a room at the Hilton by the marina. It is a really nice hotel that is right on the water. When we arrived at the hotel, I noticed that there were a lot of teenagers dressed up in formals and realized that it must be homecoming. Now, homecoming in Texas is NOT homecoming in California. First of all, football in Texas is not football in California. Second of all, school dances are a huge deal. Apparently, this was the group’s senior homecoming and the parents all got them rooms at the Hilton to get ready and take pictures on the lake afterwards. This is not making sense to some of you, I know. But just suffice it to say that it is different in Texas. My point is that these were not just 16-18 year old girls dressed up nice for a dance. The words that came out of my mouth were, “I feel like I am at the playboy mansion.” I could not, COULD NOT believe what these girls were wearing. Not all of them were horrific, but the worst ones were these tight corset sweetheart tops with tutu skirts. Walking towards me, their breasts were desperately but futily trying to remain in the top and once they got past me, (yes, I turned around) their bottoms were doing the same. They seriously looked like hookers. And then there were the parents, parading their girls around on the arm of teenage boys who probably thought they were the luckiest guys on the planet. We were all talking about the ridiculous scene and so were the rest of the wedding guests. There is a lot to this story, but I will skip some of it.
The next day, I see these girls on the news. Not joking. Apparently, when they arrived at their dance, the chaperones would not let them enter because they were inappropriately dressed. The parents had gone to the news stations to protest the injustice and of course, it actually made the news. Journalism is another topic altogether, but I think this speaks for itself. I went to the internet story and read the comments and I could not believe the response from the community. Here is one comment:
“What a mean-spirited group of uptight fuddy-duddies. This isn’t 1950, it’s 2010! Didn’t anyone tell these administrators that Leave it to Beaver hasn’t been on primetime TV in over 45 years? What to do? Pull your students out of that school. Tell your local school board that nobody is going back in there until the entire administrative staff is replaced.”
Many of the comments echo this opinion and I have to say that it is completely heartbreaking to me. The saddest part of all was to see the girls with my own eyes and to know how excited they were about their appearance. Girls are being told from every avenue that if they are sexy, they are beautiful and therefore have worth. To see the adults in the community respond this way almost seems like cementing the reality. It isn’t about the dresses. It is about a culture of immodesty. Somehow we have gotten to this place where modesty = shame. “Don’t tell me to be modest! I am not ashamed of my body! My body is beautiful!”. How easy it is to make this argument. It is much harder to make the argument for the preservation of anything sacrosanct. I do not cover my breasts with clothing because I am ashamed of them. I cover them because they are sacred. This is MY body. I take pride in physical modesty because it is beautiful to me when I see a woman valuing her body.
The interesting thing about this is that the concept has bled into the emotional and verbal side of things as well. “Don’t tell me to be quiet! I am free! I can say what I want to!”. I’ve been there people, it doesn’t get you very far. I am always amazed at the way people listen to Joel when he speaks. People stop what they are doing to listen to him, and it is because he does not talk a lot, particularly when the topic is serious. He doesn’t stay quiet in conversation because he is afraid to offend, embarrassed or unsure of himself. He is quiet because he values his words. He wants to steward what he says because they are sacred to him. You cannot take back what comes out of your mouth. “Don’t tell me how to act! I can be angry! I am just being real!”. Stewarding your emotions is not being fake. It is understanding that when you are always emotionally vomiting on someone, your emotions lose validity in the eyes of others and also to yourself.
Restraint has been one of the most valuable lessons I have ever learned. Not because it has improved my relationship with other people, but because it has made me own who I am. I know that my feelings are mine, my opinions are mine, and my body is mine. No one else is responsible for them and they are sacred to me. I choose the people who I share who I am with and they are people who are trusted and valuable to me. I can’t make it any clearer than that.
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